Raising Your Kids the Right Way - Follow this Four-Step Formula

Raising a child is never easy - but it surely is every parent’s responsibility.

There isn’t a single exact formula on how to do it right; as each and every child (or person in fact) has his own uniqueness, trait, and character that is incomparable with anyone else; thus, making this task even more complicated, yet interesting at the same time.

Our child(ren) is a completely unique individual, and even though as they grow, there will be obvious traits inherited from the one or both the parents, still, that child, that person, is an entirely one of a kind being; so there is no guarantee that the way you were disciplined during your childhood years will work on your kid.

And it’s not only because of the generation gap. In a sense, we often say that it’s a “case-to-case” basis - and at some point, this makes sense. What’s effective to one does not apply to all. Like there are various ways in disciplining a child. Do you spank, deprive them of something they really want, do you do ‘reward’ system, etc.? To some kids, spanking might work; but definitely not for all. And it doesn’t matter whether you were born in the 80’s or in the 2000’s.

Raising a child and how to do it right are two different things. And like what was mentioned earlier, since there is no exact formula, thus what to do and how to do it right become subjective.

But what if I tell you that there is a way - a surefire one - that can lead you to the right direction?! And it’s not only about disciplining your kids, whether to punish them or give rewards, etc. It’s far greater, and deeper than that. And this is something that every parent can use regardless of the child’s age group. What makes it even more awesome is that this parenting strategy only consists of four, straightforward steps.

And here they are.

1. Teach them when they are young.

Ang pagdidisplina sa anak ay hindi sinimulan kung kailan matigas na ang ulo nila. Magsimula ka hangga’t maaga.

Disciplining your child does not begin once they are obstinate. Start as early as you can.

Even newborns and infants, believe it or not, can already be taught of certain things - like they can be trained so they can let you know when they are hungry, sleepy, or need diaper change. They can even be trained to have consistent sleeping and eating patterns.

And as they continue to grow and develop their social, emotional, and language skills, babies and toddlers can be trained and taught a lot more other basic yet necessary things.

As early as this stage, they can be introduced to eating healthy foods (fruits and veggies), and some basic manners like saying ‘thank you’, ‘please’ and ‘excuse me.’ Basic things like these (and a lot more!!!!) should be introduced to our kids as early as they learn how to walk and speak. And as there’s a truth with the phrase ‘It’s never too late to mend’; so as with the saying ‘You can’t teach an old dog new tricks.’

Ang kagandahang asal ay itinuturo sa anak mula pa sa pagkabata nila at hindi lang kung kailan matigas na ang ulo nila.

Good manners are taught to children from their infancy and not only when they start to be stubborn.

And let us not assume that they will learn it on their own, as it is natural for every human - because it is not! There are certain things that human beings can learn naturally - but without the right assistance, they might take the wrong path. So let them know when they are being disrespectful, because they may not notice and think it’s totally fine. For example, if the family is at the front of the dining table, it is just natural that grace should be respected and thus proper table manners must be observed. If you think as a parent, that cellphones or any gadgets are forbidden on the table, then tell your child about it. But if you - yourself does the same thing, what for is the reason to accost them, right? The point is, you must set as a good example; and should practice what you preach.

2. Be consistent.

Once you taught them the things that you think they should know - the good and the bad, the do’s and the don’ts, the next important step that you should always remember is to ‘be consistent.’

This is certainly not easy - because your child grows, learns, and expands their knowledge and understanding on various things - and this process is never ending.

When they are little ones, it’s easy to differentiate between right and wrong. During a child’s early development - from their toddler years to maybe around 9-10 years old (the age group really depends on how well/fast your kid develops), it’s easier to explain to them that they should do this because this is what’s right, proper, according to the law, etc.

Throughout this stage is the perfect time to show and practice consistency. Always remind them (yes over and over and over again) about the moral values, good manners, the proper etiquette you’ve introduced to them since the beginning. If you always remind them of such things, they will remember it all their life.

“Train a child in the way he should go, and even when he is old, he will not turn away from it."

Proverbs 22:6 (GW)

As they start approaching their adolescence and teenage years, things get a little more complex. Sometimes, identifying whether it’s good or bad becomes biased and answers become vague. How can you explain to a child that white lies are fine - if all their life, you made them believe that lying is a sin?!

When caught on situations like this, it gets complicated and at some point, you may need to take back what you said/taught to them. But the key is still to communicate; connect with your child in a way that he will surely understand your point and intention. And again, if you have been consistent from the very beginning, they will surely comprehend and remember everything you taught them. They may or may not follow/live-by all of them, but they’ll know them for sure.

And again, do not assume that they knew it all at once and that they’ll learn it on their own naturally. Always remind them (Even if you’ll seem to be like a broken record aka ‘sirang plaka’!). Be consistent; and persistent. -- which leads us to the third step.

3. Be firm.

To be firm is to let your child know that nothing (and no one) can change/alter/break everything that you taught them - that there is no excuse for their bad behavior, for disrespecting elders, for not doing their homework, etc. (I’m seeing a lot of raising eyebrows now!)

Well here’s the thing. Surely in the real world this is impossible. Even adults (yes, I’m raising my hand here) get mess up a lot of times and has got millions of excuses to justify our shortcomings. But we don’t teach our kids to get used to making excuses just to justify their bad manners. We’re teaching and training them to do what they think is right, proper, and to always try their best, because it’s for their own good sake; not for their parent, not for anyone else. And it’s not just about doing good at school, making and choosing friends, excelling on academics or sports, etc. We’re talking about everything you’ve taught them since the start. And how you discipline and teach them good morals is up to you; but you have to be firm; stick to your word, and be a good example (already mentioned this on step 1 and obviously would like to give emphasis as to how important it is to your developing kid).

Yet there may be times when you need to adjust and (yes!) even give allowance for mistakes (because it's the new generation and you need to adapt in order to understand and reach out to them), but you have to take your stand. If you think something is right, then it should and will always be right. And if you think it is wrong, it should remain wrong.

DISCLAIMER: I know many parents don't and won’t agree with this; but this is in my opinion and I do not force you to follow and abide by it (I only advise you and whether you practice it or not is all up to you). Those that were mentioned above were a few examples only. Please expand your understanding and do not base solely on what is mentioned in the article. Again, it was emphasized a lot of times in the article, 'everything you think should be taught to your kid' - whatever you teach and how you teach it to your child is up to you. But for my opinion, following steps 1-4 will make your ways more effective.

4. Be patient.

This is the last, yet the most challenging step of all. If you find that steps 1, 2, and 3 weren’t easy (for sure you will!), always remind yourself to be patient - and remember the reason why you are doing all of these. You’ll come to a point where you will need to change your strategies and start all over. If this is not easy for you, what for to your child? There will be adjustment periods, even rebellion for some. But again, be patient. And remember to be consistent, and be firm. And again, if you started these as early as possible, then it shouldn’t be that difficult. And there is nothing difficult for a parent who just wants the best for his child.

And to you dear parent who is reading this, these four steps will only be successful if you have the dedication and devotion to your purpose and goal - starting from your kid's childhood, up to the age you think he or she is capable of deciding for himself. I know you're probably busy, or maybe you're working to support them thus don't have the time or have only limited time to spend with them. But here's what I can tell you, if you want your child to grow up and behave well, there needs to be someone to guide him as he grows up; and if it can’t be you, anyone who cares about and loves him, perhaps as much as you do.

At the end of the day, what matters is that they grow up properly, and that they will not go astray. And that someday, may they remember all you've taught them, carry on your legacy, and set as a good example to the younger generation, especially by the time they will have their own children and family.

So good luck (to us!) my co-parent! We can do this. Let’s do this right, for the love of your child(en).